


(Are We Finally) Getting to Something New

by ifwallscouldspeak



Category: SKAM Austin
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/F, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-20 17:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20678933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifwallscouldspeak/pseuds/ifwallscouldspeak
Summary: No matter where Shay is, there's also Megan.(A 5+1 Things story about the evolution of Shay and Megan's relationship through the years, inspired by Skamofcolor's International Translation Day Event, Day 1: Forelsket).





	(Are We Finally) Getting to Something New

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for Skamofcolor's International Translation Day Event, Day 1: Forelsket (The feeling of euphoria you experience when you are first falling in love).
> 
> I do not own Skam Austin, all errors are completely my fault though! Title comes from the Airborne Toxic Event's "Something New."

+++

**One.**

The first time Shay meets Megan, it’s because Marlon has dragged her and Tyler to a “group thing.”

“Abby’s mom won’t let her come on a date unless it’s a group thing,” Marlon tells them as they walk to the movie theater.

It’s a pretty pleasant March day, and all Shay’s wearing is a denim jacket over her outfit. Walking a few feet behind Marlon, she and Tyler make faces at each other behind his back. It’s not that they don’t like Abby, exactly; she just seems to be everything that Marlon swears he’s against. She also hasn’t made a particularly strong effort to get to know Shay or Tyler, which Shay thinks is kinda messed up. In her mind, the three of them are as much of a package as Abby and her Kitten friends are.

Shay spots the gaggle of brown and yellow jackets a block away from the theater, and snorts in disbelief. 

“So, they just wear those things everywhere?” Shay asks. “What the hell.”

“It’s so that they don’t lose each other,” Tyler smirks. “The buddy system.”

“Okay, enough,” Marlon says, glaring at both of them. “Come on.”

Abby beams at Marlon as they walk up, swinging her long, honey-colored hair over her shoulder. She throws her arms around him and kisses him passionately, making Shay want to recoil a bit. She’s sure that even from where she’s standing, she can see a bit of spit all over their mouths. She desperately hopes she’s not sitting next to them during the movie. 

“Hey,” a voice says beside her.

Shay turns to see a pretty Latina girl with crooked eyeliner smiling tentatively at her and Tyler. The rest of the Kittens remain staunchly behind Abby, taking selfies and laughing with one another. But this girl stands so closely to Shay that she can smell her perfume, something that she probably got at Victoria’s Secret or something, Shay thinks. Her smile is wide and friendly and makes Shay’s stomach flip upside down. Something about it makes Shay want to panic; it’s a feeling she can’t exactly describe, because it’s something she’s never felt before. Her mouth feels like it’s numb, because even though she wants to smile back, nothing happens. 

When neither Tyler nor Shay say anything immediately, her smile starts to waver. 

“I’m Megan,” she says. “You must be Shay and Tyler.”

“Yup,” Tyler says curtly.

Shay glances over her shoulder to see that Tyler is on his phone, not even bothering to look up to say anything. When she looks back at Megan, the girl looks a bit crestfallen. 

“Nice to meet you,” Shay manages to squeak out.

Megan’s brown eyes light up. “You too. Abby’s told me so much about you. She thinks you guys are so cool.”

Shay can’t even remember the last thing that Abby has even said to them, let alone had a full conversation to even have that opinion. She thinks that Megan might just be trying to be polite, but she looks genuinely happy to be talking to Shay. There’s just something so nice about her, Shay thinks. Something so nice and so pretty that makes Shay want something that she can’t even describe. 

“Would you want to split popcorn in there?” Megan asks her. “Most of the other girls refuse to cause I like to pour the nacho cheese all over it.”

Shay thinks that Megan could probably ask for her anything, and she’d say yes.

“That only sounds like the most awesome thing ever,” Shay grins. “I’m in.”

Megan beams at her, and it’s like tilting her face up towards the sun. 

+++

**Two.**

Megan weeps openly in her arms, body folding in on itself no matter how hard Shay tries to keep her upright. It’s like she’s boneless, collapsing in on herself without a spine to keep her steady. Shay grips her so tightly she’s sure that Megan will have fingerprint bruises all over her body the next day. It’ll match the red-hot slap print that Abby has just left on her cheek.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Megan sobs, inconsolable. 

Her breathing is so sharp and erratic that Shay is sure she’s a second away from a full-blown anxiety attack. Her face is pressed into Shay’s neck, and Shay doesn’t know what’s tears or spit or snot. It’s so visceral that she’s slightly scared, like Megan will split apart from her seams with one more shuddering breath.

She tries to pull Megan in further into the garage, back towards the dusty corners and away from the open door. Marlon and Abby are screaming at each other, and the words are louder than Shay’s own heartbeat. She wishes she could staple Megan’s ears shut so she doesn’t have to hear everything they’re saying. 

“It just happened!” Marlon shouts. “Look, it just - we didn’t plan it, Megan didn’t plan it, it’s just that you were so busy, with the Kittens and - and your stuff -”

“My stuff, Marlon?” Abby screams. “Stuff, like my dad getting sick and having to go to summer school and failing my driver’s test and having to go to fucking therapy for some pills because my anxiety was so bad? Stuff like that? Stuff that you can’t even name because you were apparently fucking my best friend instead of being there for me?”

“Being there for you? How, Abby, when you wouldn’t let me in?” Marlon yells. “When I had to keep calling Megan to see how you were, when she was the only one who would talk to me, listen to me -”

“We were going to tell her,” Megan sobs. “We were - I didn’t - I -”

“It’s - it’s not your fault, Megs,” Shay lies, voice cracking. “Please.”

She feels wetness on her own face, and it takes her a moment to realize she’s crying. She takes a sharp, silent inhale, trying not to disturb Megan’s breakdown. In a corner of her mind, she chastises herself for the display of emotions, but the further she berated herself, the more it feels like she’s being cracked open. 

It’s not about you, she tells herself sharply. Nothing about this is about you. You need to be a good friend, you need to ignore your own feelings, you need to get over her. You need to hold her and that’s it.

“God, I can’t believe you, Marlon!” Abby screeches. “You talk about - about doing the right thing and being a good person and - and you’re just shit! You’re just a piece of shit!”

+++

**Three. **

Abby stares at her, face hard. “Why are you telling me this?”

Shay barely hears the question over the screaming of her conscience telling her she’s a shit human being. But it had just slipped out, she swears, she hadn’t mean to tell Abby anything, her mouth and her tongue and her throat had worked against her. 

“This isn’t one of your little pranks, is it?” Abby says once Shay remains silent. “This is - you’re joking. I never could understand your jokes.”

There’s something underlying Abby’s tone, something that almost sounds like she’s pleading. Shay raises her eyes to Abby’s, and sees it there, too. A hint to her to say that she’s just kidding; it’s barely a hint, but it’s there. The question in her mind must be written all over her face, because for a brief moment, Abby shutters. It’s the most emotions Shay’s ever seen her display since she’s known her. 

“I loved her too,” Abby says. “I loved her too.” 

Shay sucks a deep inhale in, trying not to cry. Abby’s eyes are already wet with unshed tears, months of pain filling up beneath her lids. Shay opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. And then, like a switch, Abby’s face changes. Something deeper, something more knowing flashes in her eyes. She slumps against the table, as if the power of what she’s realized has rendered her unable to hold herself up. 

“Oh,” Abby says.

Without meaning to, Shay lets out a sob.

“You love her,” Abby says. “You… you love her.”

“Please,” Shay says.

She doesn’t even know what she’s asking Abby for. To forget what she’s just heard and let them both pretend nothing has changed? To take this new knowledge and make something happen, something that deep down they both want? Or just to absolve her of all of her sins since they’ve met? 

“I’m sorry,” Abby says softly, not meeting Shay’s eyes.

It’s an answer that both exhilarates and horrifies Shay.

+++

**Four.**

Despite herself, Shay still looks for Megan’s face in the crowd. Her vision is slightly obscured by her neon pink bangs, giving everyone a slightly hazy look; but maybe, she reasons, that’s the haze of smoke in the bar. She catches sight of her round, shining face, tilted up at the stage. For a moment, Shay’s heart stutters, despite itself, because she thinks Megan is looking right at her with that look of adoration. 

Shay squeezes her eyes shut, hand gripping onto the microphone tightly as she keeps singing. The sounds around her are so overwhelming they nearly drown out the mocking voice in her head, telling her she’s stupid for thinking Megan would be staring at her and not Marlon. It almost works; the high of being on stage with her boys, the thrill of sharing their music with all these people, even the guilty pleasure of dressing up and looking good are the things overwhelming her feelings right now. But there’s still that little voice, the one she’s worked so hard to overcome. 

Because she’s not in love with Megan, not anymore. After all that’s happened, she can’t be. But… there’s still part of her that wonders if she’ll always love Megan. It’s just that now, she’s no longer up on the pedestal that Shay had shoved her into. Shay sees her clearly now, but more importantly, she can see herself clearly now. And it’s just… the two of them… it’s oil and water. 

Right?

She opens her eyes again once the song ends, drowning in the waves of applause that come at them. Shay grins, so close to the microphone that her teeth graze the bulb. There’s only one thing that’s made her feel the same kind of rush that she gets after performing, and she’s standing in the crowd, staring at her best friend -

And yet, as Shay’s eyes wash over the crowd, there’s Megan, looking right at her. Her face is so sweaty that strands of dark hair are clinging to her face. Her brown eyes are locked into Shay’s, a grin so wide that it looks like it’s taking up half of her face. Shay’s heart beats way too quickly as she watches Megan watching her, and for just a moment, as dumb as it sounds, it’s just the two of them. Shay wonders if Megan's heart is on the same rhythm as hers, that _badumpbadumpbadump_ that can’t be replicated by any instrument, no matter how hard she tries. 

+++

**Five.**

Shay finds Megan tucked inside the pantry of all places, their yearbook open on her lap. Shay peers down at her as Megan smiles at her wryly, clearly embarrassed at being caught hiding away from the rest of the party. Shay hesitates a moment before slipping inside too, sitting down next to Megan. The space is cramped; thighs press against thighs, their knees knock, and a can of soup is poking Shay in the back. It’s too warm and the air is stale, but somehow, it’s better than being in Grace’s backyard with everyone and their families. Megan still has her graduation gown on, but her cap is nowhere to be seen.

“If I have to hear my parents say one more time that I’m ‘only going to community college for the first two years to save money,’ I’m gonna lose it,” Megan groans. “I get it, they think I’m dumb but don’t want anyone else to think it.”

“They don’t think that,” Shay says. 

Megan gives her a look. “It’s fine, and actually, I don’t care. But I just wish they’d own up to it.”

“I guess,” Shay says. “Is that why you’re in here, pretending to be stale cereal?”

“I just needed a break.”

“I get it.”

Megan snorts but it’s not malicious. “You, Ms. Ivy League here I come?”

Shay nudges her gently. “Hey, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows for me either. It’s not like my mom wants me to even go, what with the loans that are coming with my ‘full ride.’ She definitely keeps telling people I should’ve just said yes to UT.”

“Ugh,” Megan says. “At least you get to escape though.”

Shay says, “is that what you want to do? Escape?”

Megan shrugs. “It’s not like I’ve done a whole lotta good here. Might be nice. A fresh start.”

Silence stretches between them, and Shay knows Megan is thinking about the past few years of high school. Her own heart sits heavily in her chest for a moment, thinking about everything that she’s done and had a hard time forgiving herself for. Hell, she’s even thinking about all the shit Megan’s done that she’s had a hard time forgiving her for. But those wounds have long turned to scars, so much so that the pain is barely a memory.

Megan manages to wiggle around enough so that the yearbook lands in Shay’s lap, so that Megan can draw her knees up to her chest. She rests her head on the tops of her knees, cheek pressing into the joint as she turns her head to look at Shay. Shay sighs back at her.

“The thing is, I don’t know if I would do anything different,” Shay says. “I don’t know… like would I even be me right now if even one thing had changed?” 

Megan says, “I don’t know. Part of me wishes I hadn’t hurt so many people… hurt you… but like… maybe it would have been impossible not to.”

“Huh,” Shay says.

Megan winces. “I know it sounds fucked up. But like, maybe by making another choice I’d still hurt someone. Maybe if it was all different actions it’d still be the same consequences.”

“So, you don’t think that like…” Shay pauses. “There’s not some parallel universe where everything was completely different?”

“Different how?”

Shay shrugs. “I don’t know. Where you never dated Marlon, or I never told Abby, or you never kissed me, or… or whatever. You don’t think that would lead to different outcomes?”

Megan is quiet for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe there’s another world or whatever where Megan and Shay are out celebrating in Grace’s backyard instead of hiding in a closet.”

“Hey now,” Shay deadpans. “I’m out of the closet, and you’re definitely not gonna shove me back in.”

Megan stares at her for a moment, a horrified look on her face, like she’s just made a terrible faux pas. She starts to stutter out an apology, but Shay can’t hold in her laughter. She starts cackling, tears streaming down her face with how much fun that just was. She can only see Megan’s blurry outline begin to relax and then laugh too, punching Shay gently in the thigh. Shay wipes her face and takes a filling breath, centering herself after she stops laughing. 

“That’s not funny!” Megan says to her, a grin across her face.

“I thought it was pretty funny,” Shay says, smiling back at her so hard her mouth hurts.

Megan is leaning towards Shay, and the hand on her thigh has unfolded from a fist into a gentle caress. The smile hasn’t left Megan’s face but there’s something more in her eyes, something that Shay can’t seem to quite figure out. The pantry feels smaller than it is, in that moment, and all Shay can think of really is the smell of Megan’s perfume, just centimeters away from her own skin. Shay’s lips part, breathing in something that feels all too familiar but also achingly new. 

_What is this? _she’s too scared to ask. It’s not only because she doesn’t want to break the moment, and it’s not only because maybe vocalizing it will prove that it’s all in her head. It’s because for the first time, she thinks… yeah. Just… yes.

The pantry door flies open, breaking the spell of the moment. They jerk away from each other, or at least try to; Shay bangs her head on a shelf full of boxed noodles. They both blink up at the intruder, almost too difficult to see with the bright, late spring sun shining in behind them.

“What are you two doing?” Tyler asks.

Shay blinks up at him, her voice a bit hoarse when she asks, “What are you doing?”

Tyler says, “Grace asked me to look for y’all. We’re doing a group picture.”

Shay refrains on commenting about how weird that friendship is for the thousandth time, and just nods up at him. Megan makes a noncommittal noise and starts shifting around to get up. It’s a tight squeeze as the two of them attempt to stand up straight and fix their clothing. Tyler simply stares at them, not bothering to move out of the way until Shay shoves Megan’s yearbook at him.

“Make yourself useful,” she says. “I gotta pick this wedgie out.” 

+++

**+One. **

“I can’t believe we’re spending Christmas Eve at Daniel Williamson’s house,” Shay says over her cup of eggnog.

Megan shrugs at her, crunching loudly on a candy cane. “I can’t believe a lot of the stuff from this year.”

“These past few years,” Shay corrects her.

“This lifetime,” Megan answers back.

Shay leans back against the kitchen island, staring back out into the rest of the party. The tree sitting in the middle of the room is the most ostentatious thing she’s ever seen, dripping with ornaments, twinkle lights, and tinsel. Almost all of their friends are playing some strange, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer version of pin the tail on the donkey, complete with glittery red dots. Shay watches as Jordan Díaz spins Zoya Ali around and around in a circle, before she finally backhands him in the stomach and tells him not to turn her so fast. 

“Do you wanna get some air?” Megan asks.

Shay blinks, surprised. “Uhm, sure.”

“Alright,” Megan says.

She tosses her candy cane wrapper in the trash and then heads towards the sliding glass door, the Santa hat perched precariously on her head threatening to fall off as she goes. Shay snorts, leaving her eggnog on the counter. She chases after Megan so she can fix it before they get outside. Megan’s hair is even softer than the cotton of the hat, and Shay allows herself this one small gesture before pulling her hands away. Megan looks over her shoulder and smiles in thanks, before stepping out into the grass. She walks a little bit away from the doors, into a darker area of the yard that’s a bit more private. 

When Megan finally stops and turns to look at Shay, it’s like the first day they met all over again. Distance had done their friendship good, Shay thinks. It’s almost easier, all the late-night Skype study sessions and lunchtime Facetimes and texting during class. But here, with the past behind them, the feelings that came up for her all those years ago just rise to the surface of her skin. The way her heart beats a little too quickly, the way her mouth turns up into a smile a little too easily, the way her fingers just want to reach out and touch a little too familiarly. But it’s okay, because Megan was her first love, she thinks; it’s okay that those feelings have never really gone away. She’s not only forgiven herself, she’s leaned into all of it. 

“I got you a present,” Megan says.

Her face is couched by shadows, but her voice sounds slightly embarrassed. Shay furrows her brow, wondering why that could be.

“Oh, you got me in the Secret Santa?” she asks.

“Uh,” Megan says. “No. I got you… something else. Anyway.”

Shay doesn’t know how to respond. “Uh, cool.”

Megan sticks her hand into the pouch of her hoodie and holds it there for a long time. Shay shifts in the silence. 

“Only if you want it,” Megan says finally, pulling her hand back out of her sweater.

Shay looks down, Megan’s arm slightly outstretched towards her. Her hand is open, something small and leafy in her palm. Shay stares down at it for a moment, her brain not registering what she’s looking at for a long minute. Tentatively, she takes the plant from Megan’s hand, her fingertips brushing against the soft skin of her palm. She can hear Megan’s soft inhale as she does.

“Mistletoe?” is the only thing Shay can choke out.

“Only if you want it,” Megan repeats.

Shay parrots, “only if I want it.”

“I...” she can hear Megan swallow. “It’s… it’s us.”

Shay knows she should ask what this means, exactly. A peace offering of some kind? A chance for redemption for their past? Or something else, something that has to do with an imagined future become reality? 

Yet what she does instead is shift closer to Megan, so close that she can see each distinct eyelash and the spots of foundation that aren’t quite blended on her skin. Megan’s breath hitches as Shay leans forward, gently pressing the mistletoe back into the pocket of her hoodie. They’re so close that Shay can feel Megan tensing, turning her face away and automatically about to retreat back into herself in the face of assumed rejection. But rather than let her hide, Shay reaches for her hands instead, their fingers lacing together.

“Okay,” Shay says softly to the skin on Megan’s cheek. 

Megan pauses for a moment, then turns her head.

“Okay,” she whispers to Shay’s lips. 

Then, the space between them is nonexistent. Later, Shay will laugh and ask Megan if the reason why she devoured that candy cane was so that she’d have fresh breath for making out. Later, she’ll squeal into her pillow and the soft cotton will remind her of the texture of Megan’s hoodie, as her fingers slide against it to reach into her hair. Later, she’ll remember how to properly breathe. But for now, all she can feel and think is Megan. Just Megan. 

When they separate, all she can do is grin helplessly. 

Megan is breathless when she says, “Did I ever tell you… that seeing you smile is like feeling the sun on my face?” 

+++


End file.
